Happy 2013! Glad you all made it.
I was talking to a friend at a New Year's Eve party I went to on December 31st, 2012 (obviously), and we of course talked about resolutions - I don't think I talked about anything else, it was an easy conversation starter.
He was asking what my resolutions were. I'm not that good at resolutions - I never take the time to really think of anything I actually want to do and I certainly don't follow through. My best resolutions usually come in February, when I've had a month to hear about others' goals and think of which ones I'd like to steal for myself. Though I still don't really keep up on them through the year anyway.
So my answer took a few attempts to actually land on something practical and worthwhile. And I said that I was going to work harder at being comfortable in silence, instead of feeling like I need to keep talking to fill it in. I actually think I'm okay in silence, depending on the situation, but generally I'm pretty awkward in it. And I kind of don't think it's really a bad thing to prefer to push for conversation than to sit in silence, though I suppose the conversation is actually pretty one-sided when I'm in that situation - it's more of a rambling explanation of nothing that I can keep up for 20 minutes if needed. And by then, the poor person moves on and finds someone else to talk to or stand in silence with, and then I'm much more comfortable enjoying silence by myself, so I think it all works out in the end anyway.
At any rate, I looked at the guy I was talking to, and he just looked at me and said nothing, and I grew really concerned that it was a bad resolution and that I should try to think of something else or explain what I'll really end up doing with the resolution, and he just laughed because he was trying to see how long I could go at that moment in silence...
But what's the point of a resolution if you master it right away anyway?
But I feel like I've been practicing my resolution on my blog - I've been very comfortable in silence these last 8+ days. I haven't had anything to say, really. The thought is kind of depressing to me.
Which makes me think maybe it's not actually that great of a resolution. I think I should actually make a resolution to have more worthwhile and meaningful conversations, rather than to practice not having them at all. I resolve to ramble less (success probability: very low) and to make better use of conversations to get to know people (success probability: medium). Which means I resolve to strengthen my memory (success probability: better than if I make this goal in 5 years...).
My stock resolution answer is to be a better person than I was in 2012. I like the general resolution path - gives you more wiggle room to do whatever you want.
I think what my real resolution will be is to make real resolutions in April for the rest of the year, based on the direction I inevitably move in/get drawn toward during these first few months. Instead of forcing myself to do things I'm not really sure I even care to do, I'm going to look at what I've been doing/thinking about/wanting to do, and then I'll polish the path a little more, clearing out some of the bad habits or traits that have cropped up as weeds off the side of the road, and wearing in the steps of the good things I'm picking up and starting.
I like a good balance between using my agency to make my life what I want it to be, and allowing the divine plan I believe my Heavenly Father has outlined for me to guide my life to what He wants me to be.
That's my resolution. To be better than I was last year. Whatever that means.
And to get married. Because that's what single Mormons always jokingly resolve to do (while not really joking at all...).
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