Thoughts to End a Loooong Tuesday

It's this sweet niece's birthday - happy birthday, GB! 5 is a good age - I don't really remember being 5, but what I hear from my alcoholic former co-workers, that's the sign of a good time. I hope it's a great year for you!

Sometimes I feel like a slight failure at work, and on those days (which are, blessedly, not too very often), I really appreciate a good social gathering that helps me 1.) forget the workday a little bit, and 2.) remember that work isn't the only thing in life. Granted, it's kind of a big part, taking up most of each day - but it's not the most important part. Sometimes I need that reminder to help me not get totally burned out. It makes it easier to go back the next day, knowing there's something outside of work to be enjoyed.

I really love John Denver. And my iTunes really seems to know just when "Take Me Home, Country Roads" needs to calm my soul and warm my heart {see above}.

I love this unseasonably warm 2 days of weather we're enjoying during the middle of this week. It's such a nice preview of what's ahead in about 2 months. I wish Spring lasted for 6 months of the year. Autumn would be the other 6 months. Duh.

Sometimes All the time, I wish I could just live in moments like this:

Aside from being super exhausted and sweaty, of course.

I wish pottery classes weren't so expensive. Because I'd really like to take a class. Partially because I'd really like to know how to use those pottery wheels, and partially because I want to tell people, when they ask what I did during my week, that I spun clay around and made a bowl or a cup or a vase or an impressionist statue of something. I don't feel like my friends and I are interesting in any way sometimes, when all we say is that we went to the gym or went out to dinner or went to New York City, or went to Turkey. Everyone's going to Turkey these days - it's lost it's uniqueness as a destination spot to me. I want to say I went to a pottery class. Or something. I'm searching for my new surprise talent. I'll let you know when I've found it.

Update: I don't think I've got any surprise talents. Just thought I'd let you know what I found.

A Clarification

So in my last post, where I talked about some of the really great guys out here in DC who make me feel so special and pretty with their pick-up lines and leering looks, I decided to not explain my response to the one guy asking if I have a man in my life.

I had written an explanation of my thought process at the time, but then I deleted it, because it was, as usual with me, a little too wordy.

But I'm realizing now that I should have left it in...

So I apologize for making a few of you go crazy at the thought that perhaps I had some boyfriend or fiance or lover I hadn't told you about. Because I don't (frowny face).

Instead, I leaned on the guy's general use of "Man" to feel that I could truthfully say yes because I have a dad, some brothers, a lot of guy friends whom I consider men (and a few I'm still hoping will grow up to be one some day), etc, etc.

But I feel as though I've toyed with your emotions and tugged at some heartstrings teasingly, and for that, dear friends and random readers, I sincerely apologize. I've never done the whole "mysterious" thing well, and now's not the time to practice it, I suppose.

Also, when the guy asked about a man in my life, I should also mention that the budding feminist in me wanted to turn and yell, "I don't need NO MAN in my life to make me happy! You chauvinistic pig! How dare you belittle my existence with a once-over and the thought that I need a MAN to take care of me! I am successful, smart, and talented, and A MAN would be lucky to have ME in HIS life! UGH."

But that felt like too much energy expelled for such a simple question on a very cold evening. So I'll wait to go all fem-bot crazy for when it's warmer. And I'm less tired. And there are more witnesses.

Because I really want to go viral on YouTube some day.

A Typical Thursday Evening Conversation with Strangers

Tonight, I stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work to stock up on hot cocoa accessories - I was going to be catching up with some dear friends over hot chocolate, and I wanted to make sure we were fully equipped to enjoy our drinks. It's been freezing over here the last few days, so I was looking forward to thawing out with some delicious cocoa, with all the whipped cream and marshmallows I could fill and refill my cup with.

As I walked through the parking lot to the store, I had a nice encounter with a youngish man whom I passed by. With luscious braids (or dreadlocks? I can't be sure, it was dark) and a lumbering sort of gait, he seemed friendly enough as he said, "Hey, how you doing'?"

"I'm good, thanks," I responded.

"Yeah, I can see that," He agreed as he looked me up and down, confirming my response to himself.

Torn between being disgusted as an amateur feminist who won't take no crap from no one, and laughing because I've always been generally pretty amiable to such hijinks, I decided to remain silent.

I also may have stayed silent because I just don't know what you say to that. Also because his next comment came too fast:

"You got a man in your life, baby?"

My brain responded "Nope," but for the first time in my life, my voice ignored my mind:

"Sure do, sorry!"

"Hey that's okay, lady," he replied, as I strode off and crossed the rest of the parking lot to the store.

It wasn't a total lie, and I was just proud I had been quick enough to tell a mostly-truth in a situation where that's totally warranted. And I was glad to hear that my manners remained intact, since I apologized for disappointing him. He took it well enough, too, so I thought the conversation went as well as it possibly could've.

I was also pretty impressed with the fact that he wanted to hit on a girl in a big ole coat, thick scarf, earmuffs, with a number of layers underneath it all. Modest is hottest, y'all!

I may have walked through the store with a little more swagger and hip action after that pick-me-up.

As much as this gentleman just made me feel like such a precious, beautiful woman with value and worth, he barely holds a candle to the man in CVS on Christmas Eve, who was standing a few feet behind me at the photo kiosk, who may have used the best line I've ever been addressed with. His awareness of the time of year and his desire to compliment were both really appreciated, as he got my attention with:

"Mmm girl, if I found you under my Christmas tree, I wouldn't need nothing else."(Cue quick lip lick and a second look up and down)

So sweet and romantic, my heart almost leapt from my chest into his awaiting arms.

But I pulled it back in and showed my appreciation for such a compliment as best I could by not turning around and acknowledging him at all.

I hope he knows that was my best Christmas present that year.

Random Thoughts and a Picture, #45

Every so often, out of nowhere, I'll get the song "My Boyfriend's Back" stuck in my head. It's kind of strange. But it's a great song, so I don't complain.

Christmas lights and fireworks may be the BEST things in the world. I wish I could leave up the string of Christmas lights on our mantle forever. Or at least until the Summer, when fireworks season begins. I think it may be the only way I can make it through winter without going totally mad.

I love daydreaming, but I have a slight love/hate relationship because I have this problem about being annoyed when I have a particularly good daydream - because, obviously, I know it can't ever come true now because I pictured it all in my head and the details are so intricate and perfect that there's just no way it could be duplicated in real life. And then I get slightly bummed. But they can't tell me to stop dreaming. And perhaps some day...the dream that I wish will come true... sorry, I had to just do that, because that silly explanation was screaming for it.

I found out the other day that I'm not the only crazy person in the world. A friend of mine has that exact same problem with her reaction to her daydreams. It's nice having company in Crazytown - it's a wacky place otherwise.

I still remember every word to Cinderella. That movie will never leave my brain. Thank goodness.

Fog and mist mess with my brain. Like majorly. I lose all my social skills and the ability to think clearly. It's like the fog seeps into my brain and messes with my mind, man. Incidentally, it may also help me self-analyze better, too. I can't talk to other people and hold conversations with them, but my conversations with myself are really thoughtful and sincere. So I guess it balances out.

I love the dried mango from Costco, but I think it makes my tummy hurt (not because I eat too much of it...or perhaps it is because of that...let's not over-analyze this). So I'm torn between really enjoying something I love and having to lay down for awhile to settle my stomach. But laying down is comfy, so I guess it's actually really a great idea to eat lots of dried mango. Well, that worked itself out nicely.

I found my new favorite show - Too Cute. on Animal Planet. It is an epic, first-hand look into the lives of sweet kittens and puppies, following various litters during the first 6 weeks of the wee babes. I love it for a few reasons: 1. I appreciate Animal Planet's self-mockery of its more serious Wild Cats of the Serengheti" and "AFRICA: Elephants." The narrator is especially great, adding such gravitas to the tongue-in-cheek narrative, as he observes the young pups and kittens coming of age in their natural habitats. 2. It's tiny puppies and kittens! The 2 episodes I watched were solely kittens, but I hear they have puppies on sometimes, too. They're sooooo cute! Dare I say, even too cute?? I giggled my whole way through both episodes, smiling with pure joy and giddiness over the sweet babies. It really made my day.

And 3. when breaking for commercials, the show reminds us to check out the KITTEN CAM on their website! They have a toocute kitten cam! I'm in heaven. No more bad days for me in my life. This just solved all of my problems.

One time when I was having a rough day at work, I googled kitten images, and it made me feel better. So now when I start getting stressed out, one of my interns just sends me pictures of kittens. hashtag kittensmakeeverythingbetter.

Hi! Hi! Hi! I just want a hug! Hug me, hug me, hug meeeeeeeee!

{source}

A Happy Birthday Post for a Teenage Nephew

Happy birthday to this stud of a 13 year old!

I think I have the best batch of nieces and nephews a girl could ask for. Seriously. It's like all the best of the best up in heaven said, "I want to go to the Barlow families and have fun paloozas and play lots of games and laugh all the time and be awesome in general!!!!!" and then they worked, bribed, and snuck their way in, so that I could shamelessly brag about them all the time to anyone who will listen to me (because I've forced them to sit and hear all about my fun life with my fun family).

And on this day of celebrating his birth, this kid is worth some good bragging.

So many good stories about him and things that I really like about him.

I like that he's kind of a little duplicate of his grandpa, Papa Walt. I like that he rocks a pink t-shirt with confidence and authority. I like that he likes trying new things. I like that he skateboards and snowboards and plays basketball and those other all-american sports as well. I like that he likes photography. I like that he knows the words to Adele's "Set Fire to the Rain" because his mom and older sister like Adele, so he listens to her, too.

I like that he seems really sure of himself  and who he is, and that he's a good leader to those around him because of that.

I like his hair. He always has great hair.

I like that he helped me move to DC. And that he almost threw up on the drive out here, as a convertible with its top pulled back passed by. (I also like that he'll probably be a little embarrassed that I mentioned that, but he'll laugh about it still.)

(Posing with "the Thinker" at the Sculpture Garden we stumbled upon in DC when we moved me here)

I like how much he smiles.

I like that sometimes he pretends to be shy when we ask him to do something he's good at, but then he does it for us anyway.

And I don't think I've ever talked about just him on here, so I wanted to. My oldest nephew is growing up so quickly! So I need to brag all about him while I can, before he's an adult and embarrassed that his aunt is putting his cute picture on her blog and talking about him nonstop.

I can't wait until he gets old enough to date so I can hear about the girls he's taking out (because a lot of them are already counting down the days until then, trust me), and then I can tell his dad that each and every one of them is just not good enough for him. Yes, I will be that aunt.

Also, I can't wait until he and his family, the Barlows-Wisconsin Branch, come visit me in DC, like they keep teasing me they're going to do any moment...hint hint.

So, yada yada yada, blah blah blah, etc. etc. etc., I sure hope this is the best 13th birthday of your life, CCB! You're kind of a stud.

2013: The Year Where I Have Nothing to Say

Happy 2013! Glad you all made it.

I was talking to a friend at a New Year's Eve party I went to on December 31st, 2012 (obviously), and we of course talked about resolutions - I don't think I talked about anything else, it was an easy conversation starter.

He was asking what my resolutions were. I'm not that good at resolutions - I never take the time to really think of anything I actually want to do and I certainly don't follow through. My best resolutions usually come in February, when I've had a month to hear about others' goals and think of which ones I'd like to steal for myself. Though I still don't really keep up on them through the year anyway.

So my answer took a few attempts to actually land on something practical and worthwhile. And I said that I was going to work harder at being comfortable in silence, instead of feeling like I need to keep talking to fill it in. I actually think I'm okay in silence, depending on the situation, but generally I'm pretty awkward in it. And I kind of don't think it's really a bad thing to prefer to push for conversation than to sit in silence, though I suppose the conversation is actually pretty one-sided when I'm in that situation - it's more of a rambling explanation of nothing that I can keep up for 20 minutes if needed. And by then, the poor person moves on and finds someone else to talk to or stand in silence with, and then I'm much more comfortable enjoying silence by myself, so I think it all works out in the end anyway.

At any rate, I looked at the guy I was talking to, and he just looked at me and said nothing, and I grew really concerned that it was a bad resolution and that I should try to think of something else or explain what I'll really end up doing with the resolution, and he just laughed because he was trying to see how long I could go at that moment in silence...

But what's the point of a resolution if you master it right away anyway?

But I feel like I've been practicing my resolution on my blog - I've been very comfortable in silence these last 8+ days. I haven't had anything to say, really. The thought is kind of depressing to me.

Which makes me think maybe it's not actually that great of a resolution. I think I should actually make a resolution to have more worthwhile and meaningful conversations, rather than to practice not having them at all. I resolve to ramble less (success probability: very low) and to make better use of conversations to get to know people (success probability: medium). Which means I resolve to strengthen my memory (success probability: better than if I make this goal in 5 years...).

My stock resolution answer is to be a better person than I was in 2012. I like the general resolution path - gives you more wiggle room to do whatever you want.

I think what my real resolution will be is to make real resolutions in April for the rest of the year, based on the direction I inevitably move in/get drawn toward during these first few months. Instead of forcing myself to do things I'm not really sure I even care to do, I'm going to look at what I've been doing/thinking about/wanting to do, and then I'll polish the path a little more, clearing out some of the bad habits or traits that have cropped up as weeds off the side of the road, and wearing in the steps of the good things I'm picking up and starting.

I like a good balance between using my agency to make my life what I want it to be, and allowing the divine plan I believe my Heavenly Father has outlined for me to guide my life to what He wants me to be.

That's my resolution. To be better than I was last year. Whatever that means.

And to get married. Because that's what single Mormons always jokingly resolve to do (while not really joking at all...).