In Memoriam

I was at a party tonight, chatting with a few friends, sipping a delicious mango slush drink and raving over the gourmet snacks the hosts had made, when a friend of mine got a text with breaking news from CNN:

Whitney Houston dead at 48.

It took a few moments for my brain to make sense of the text on his phone.

And then my world shattered.

I'm still picking up the broken shards inside me as I come to terms with the news that my idol has died.

We stood around at the party for 15 more minutes, trying to make small talk with the others around us, but our hearts weighed heavily under our forced smiles and hollow laughter. Finally, my two friends and I knew we had to leave (mostly because we were already planning to leave at that point anyway), so we slid through the crowd and out into the cold, bitter wind, our fresh tears whipped from our cheeks.

My friend Eric pulled out his phone and immediately played "Saving All My Love For You," dedicating it to my friend Kaitlyn and me. His sweetness made us laugh - it was the only way we knew how to cope.

As we drove to drop Eric off at his house, we began to swap memories. Our experiences with Whitney. How she helped make us who we are now. We comforted each other's sorrowing hearts with our personal stories of Whitney.

I remembered doing chores or rollerblading down our driveway, with the little radio we had blasting Whitney whenever I heard "How Will I Know" play. Kaitlyn recalled making a choreographed dance with her sisters to one of Whitney's songs. Eric talked about a road-trip mix tape he'd made with his siblings, containing mostly Whitney Houston songs.

It brought smiles to our faces, just thinking of her and the happiness she brought to our lives. She features prominently in the soundtrack to my life these 25 years.

I loved singing "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" before I went to a church dance, or before I went anywhere, really. I danced around my room, singing at the top of my lungs, not even considering the idea that everyone else in the house could hear my screeching.

Whenever I talk about children, I automatically recite the lyrics of "The Greatest Love of All." Because like Whitney, I also believe the children are our future, and that we should teach them well and let them lead the way.

Of course, I'm listening to Whitney as I type this - "Where Do Broken Hearts Go." It's a question I ask myself as I attempt to figure out how I will cope, knowing my best musician friend and musical idol is no longer by my side.

But she will always be with me. She will be on every love mix I make. She will be what I dance to when I get ready for a night on the town. She will be I listen to when my heart aches. She will be what I sing at the top of my lungs when...well, just whenever I want to.

She will be part of my life always.

Perhaps I was unconsciously preparing my heart for this news earlier today, when I randomly listened to "I Will Always Love You." A song I have more memories with than I have with some close friends, I think of that last playback this morning now as a sort of sending off. A goodbye from a dear friend. It was like Whitney was telling me of her love for me, but that she had to go, and that I'd be okay.

And I will be. I will be strong. Because she has made me so.

So Whitney, I know I'm just reciting something millions are also whispering through their tears, but know that, sincerely, I will always love you. My life is so much better for having you in it. You will always be with me, in my heart and in my stereo.

Rest in peace, my dear, sweet Whitney Houston.

I'd love to hear your memories with Whitney, too, if you'd like to share.