If I'm Lyin', I'm Dyin'...I Mean, If I Meet a Lion...I'll Likely Be Dyin'...

When I was little, I used to dream of scary gargantuan bugs attacking me. There was the one with the giant daddy-long-leg that took over our food storage room in our basement in Wisconsin. And of course, the one dubbed "Attack of the Killer Bumble-Bees." I've had a problem with bees and their relatives ever since.

I still dream about bugs, especially in my bug-littered home, but lately I've moved on to bigger predators.

In the last 2 1/2 weeks, I have had 3 dreams involving giant lions trying to attack me. At night. In random wildernesses and jungles.

Okay, technically the 1st dream had a nice giant lion that just wanted its tummy scratched, and it was a stalking panther that wanted to eat me. And I was in a jungle campsite - for church camp or something ridiculous. And my mom wouldn't let me run away and go home, saying I was paranoid...until it attack my sister (sorry Abby...), and my mom finally realized I was wise for respecting and fearing the danger of the panther camouflaged in the darkness.

And okay, technically the second dream took place in some cul de sac - the suburb jungle. And it was asleep, but it was sleeping right where I needed to be at. And sure it started out during daytime, but night quickly descended. I woke up at 3am convinced that lion was in my room, on the other side of my bed. So scary...

The third dream might've been the scariest, because there were multiple lions, creeping out of the nighttime fog. But on the plus side, I was also apparently an expert horseman, and I had a gigantic midnight-black horse - about 7 ft tall (honestly) - that I was able to easily swing myself onto and ride with ease, kind of like a stuffed horse when you're a child. I remember being rather impressed with myself in my dream as well. Those lions were really scary, and I had to kick the horse into running full-speed to get away from the lions as they jumped out of the mist.

Each time, I woke up legitimately fearing a scary lion that was possibly under my bed. Monsters aren't the only things that lurk down there.

I told roommate Melissa about each of them after they occurred; after the 3rd time, I confessed that I might be developing an actual fear of lions. I even had to beat down the fleeting fear of seeing a lion hanging out on my street as I left my house to go to work the next day. Can you say LOCO?

Being the thoughtful roommate M is, she quickly tried to calm my fears with pictures of lions and lambs, people befriending lions, and one idiot who lived with lions in a zoo for a few weeks to raise money for charity. I don't know why, but a picture of a huge lion licking the head of a powerless man as he gets ready to go to sleep just doesn't make me more comfortable with the beasts:

But my favorite thing M tried to do for me was googling "how to get over your fear of lions." You know, so I could get over my newfound fear.

Turns out, there is an article on WikiHow called, "How To Get Over Your Fear of Lions." How perfect!

To be honest, I got nothing out of this article likely written by a young student for a 4th grade presentation or something (hopefully!) beyond the 5 suggestions of going to the zoo and seeing/interacting with/feeding the lions there - unless I would like to go on a safari and see them in their natural environment. Yeah, because they weren't freaking me out enough when I was dreaming of them in their natural environment. But the final suggestion was that if I didn't want to spend money on a safari, I could go to the zoo (like was previously stated. 3 other times.) and see the lions there. Maybe talk to the trainer or something.

It was totally worth reading this article if only for this fun introduction:

HOW TO GET OVER YOUR FEAR OF LIONS:
Lions are fearless, powerful animals with sharp teeth. Lions are territorial and have been known to attack humans. For the most part they mind their own business but will attack if provoked. They are strong, fast and can destroy their enemy to shreds. Some lions are domesticated and some are wild. You have to know the difference between the two. How do you get over these fears. (Steps 1-5 follow, all discussing the zoo. No explanation of the differences between domesticated and wild lions is to be found-you just need to know it.)

Because a good reminder that lions are strong and will rip something/one to shreds is really calming me down right now.

I really think I'll sleep a LOT better tonight. Thanks WikiHow!